Feeling My Age at Dance Class

Froggie started dance class three weeks ago.  Hard to believe tomorrow will be her third dance class.  She is very excited and loving dance class.  However, I feel like an outsider.  I'm surrounded by young Moms.  I have to admit I get uncomfortable.  Though I did try last time talking to some of them.  The conversation was on the short side.

It is funny because I have a job where I have to deal with teens on a regular basis.  Despite my age, they think I'm rather cool.  I'm young at heart.  Every so often I shock them by saying something about a musician that is popular.  They are amazed I listen to some of the same music they do.

So why is it so hard for me to talk with someone who is thirty something or even twenty something.  It would probably help if I were more social in general.  I'm usually the one that keeps to herself.  I watch and I listen a lot.  No one would really call me a social butterfly.  Lucky for me Froggie is not like this and makes friends easily.

I will keep on trying and hopefully I will be accepted into the fold.  Not thought of as that old woman that brings her child to dance class.  Though if they are thinking I'm old they are probably thinking that I am her Grandmother that's raising her and not her Mom.

Everyone has an opinion

Life got hectic and I feel bad that I have neglected my blog.  Sometimes this happens especially when you have children.  Even one child can throw your plans into chaos.  So I have some free time and decided to write about a blog post I read recently.

I'm just browsing the Internet when I come across a post about Rosie O'Donnel going off on Mayim Bialik on the view about Ms. Bialik's blog post about the movie Frozen.  Now my curiosity is peaked.  I go to the blog site and read the now infamous post titled Why My Sons and I Hate the Movie Frozen.  (Which you can read here if you want, http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/mayim-bialik-why-my-sons-and-i-hate-frozen)

As I'm reading I'm thinking what is all the fuss about.  Now before you start hating me thinking I'm anti-Frozen, hear me out.  I LOVE Frozen.  It is one of my favorite Disney movies.  My daughter adores Frozen.  Now that being said, Mayim Bialik has a right to her opinion.  She didn't just come out without even seeing the movie and start bashing it.  Honestly, she really doesn't bash it but just lists reasons why she doesn't like it.  She lists three reasons she doesn't really like it.

Plot
Ms. Bialik states she doesn't like the plot. She states it here how she feels.

Sure, it’s sort of hidden, but the search for a man/love/Prince is still the reigning plot line in the movie, as it is with pretty much all movies for young people which are animated.

I didn't feel the same way.  I felt that it wasn't just about finding a man or someone to love but it was deeper than that.  Ana has been isolated from everyone for years.  I got from it that she craves a human connection.  She was not only isolated from the outside world but also the person that was closest to her didn't want to have anything to do with her any more and she didn't know why.  When they are finally together at the coronation of Elsa, you see the uneasiness in Ana.  She isn't sure how to act.  When it comes down to it, in the end a man means nothing.  It is sisterly love that warms Ana's frozen heart.  Froggie believes the main plot line is that Elsa is magical.  For her it's all about the magic.  So much so that she has named her stuffed unicorn Elsa because Elsa has magic and so do unicorns.

Male Bashing

Ms. Balik's other problem with the movie is she feels that there is male bashing going on.

The Prince/hero turns out to be a scheming villain. He pretended to love her and then he double crosses her and she gets the lesson taught to her not to trust those nasty scheming conniving men. Because you know, men can’t be trusted? 

Hans was a jerk.  Sorry to say that.  He lies and cheats.  Is this male bashing?  In my opinion, it's not.  I just don't see it.  And as a parent of a little girl I have talked to her about Hans.  She said to me, "Mommy, Hans is bad because he lied."  I said, "Yes he is.  Lying is wrong."  Then I asked her this, "If Ana was the one that lied would she be bad."  My daughter said "Yes".  She isn't focusing on the gender of the character.  She's focusing on what the character has done and that the action was bad.  Now not all parents will do this with their children.  I know this.  But there are those of us out there that do.  Is Ms. Balik wrong for feeling there was male bashing in the movie?  Certainly not.  That is how she saw it.  I didn't see it the same way.  That's the beauty of it.  Everyone has their own interpretation of a movie.

Female Characters that Look Like Dolls

She does have a point that the female characters don't look like they are the same species as the male characters.  Sorry folks to burst your bubble but Disney is out to make money from their movies and merchandise.  They find out what they think will work to get the most people to go out and pay to see the movie and/or buy the DVD, t-shirts, dolls, etc.  I didn't really scrutinize how they looked but did notice the extra large eyes.  It reminded me a bit of anime characters.  

So what is my point to all this.  I believe everyone has an opinion and a right to state that opinion.  I don't think people should be hating Mayim Bialik's post.  She stated what she believes and if you don't agree with it then so be it.  I haven't once said, Mayim Bialik is an awful person for her beliefs.  I stated to  you how she felt and why I felt differently.  Don't we have other things to worry about then whether someone didn't like Frozen or not.

Daycare Blues

I am a working Mom.  If I had my choice I'd be a stay at home one.  That is not what life has in store for me.  I go to work not because I just absolutely love my job and love working.  I go to work to put a roof over my daughter's head, clothing on her back and food in her tummy.  Sometimes it's really hard to go off to work.  Sometimes when she is having a nuclear meltdown I look forward to the time away.

Today she says, "I don't want to go to school."

We call daycare school because she does do preschool work there and it's an easier transition when she goes to Kindergarten next year.  I'm getting off track now.  I ask her why is it she doesn't want to go to school.  All she can tell me is she just doesn't like it.  The last time she said this and I asked her why, she told me it was because she didn't like nap time.  Nap time is a whole other problem we are facing.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't know what to do.  She has never stated she doesn't like daycare.  She's always loved going there and has so much fun.  So here I am racking my brains as to why she no longer likes it when it hits me.  There were a lot of kids there that have moved on to Kindergarten.  She is now one of three that are left from last year.  Her problem isn't she doesn't like daycare anymore.   Her problem is she's missing everyone.  Over the summer she got real close to one of the older boys.  They played and had a good time.  She'd often say he was her friend.  Now that this little boy has gone back to school, she is sad.  Daycare is no longer fun for her.

My plan is to talk with her tonight. We're having a "girls night" tonight.  We have these when my husband has meetings and isn't home for dinner.  Hopefully she'll talk about her feelings and I'll be able to help her understand why people leave and it will be o.k..  I don't want her to feel sad and I don't want her not to like to attend daycare.

As soon as my child could talk I started a collection of things she would say.  Often these things were very funny and had her father and I laughing hysterically.  I decided I'm going to share some of them here.  I hope you will enjoy.  I am just going to do a few of the sayings from year 2, 3 and 4.

Due to privacy, I am going to refer to my daughter by her nickname.

2 Years Old

Froggie asks “Where is Daddy?” I tell her he's on his way home from work. Then she starts asking where a bunch of other people are. I tell her he's at home or she's at home. When we pull into the driveway I say “Where is Froggie?” She says “I'm stuck in the car.”

Froggie says to her Mommy, “I need some juice... seriously.”

On the way home from the restaurant Froggie said, “Talk to me Mommy.” Mommy said, “Talk about what, Froggie.” Froggie said, “Talk about me.”

Daddy was making a weird noise and from the backseat Froggie said, “Stop Daddy you're getting on my nerves.”

3 Years Old

Froggie says to her Daddy, “Daddy, you're not wearing a jacket.” Her Daddy says, “No, Froggie I'm not wearing one.” Froggie says, “Didn't we talk about about not wearing a jacket. You need to wear a jacket.”

(I think I'm rubbing off on her.  I know I have said this to her.)

While I was driving Froggie to daycare, she says to me, “Good job driving between the lines Mommy.”

So we went out to eat. I had a bad day so hubby took me out with Froggie. We're in the restaurant getting ready to go and my husband makes a Pffffttttt noise on Froggie's hand. Froggie announces rather loudly in the restaurant "Daddy farted on my hand."

Here is the conversation in the car on the way home from daycare
Froggie: Puppy got sick and threw up
Me: She probably ate something bad
Froggie: She ate a mouse
Me: How do you know she ate a mouse?
Froggie: I know everything

4 Years Old

I was cooking and something wasn't going right and Froggie says, “It's ok, it happens to everyone. It even happens to me.”

Today Froggie comes in the kitchen with her wand and the dog is with her. She waves her wand and the dog moves out the room. I'm not looking at this time and she says, “Look I made the dog disappear.” I said, “Wow sweetie that's great.” Then Sandy comes back in the room, Froggie waves her wand and says “Look Mommy I made her come back.” 

I gave Froggie two Hershey Kisses. One was the plain Milk Chocolate and one was White Chocolate. This is the conversation we had.

Froggie: Ut Oh
Mommy: What's wrong?
Froggie: This one is dead.
Mommy turns to look to see the Froggie holding the white chocolate candy and then explains that it is alright it's just white chocolate.

There you go some of her best sayings.  I suggest to every parent you should do this.  When I'm feeling down and things aren't going right. I will read these and laugh.  Also when your child gets to be an adult you can show him or her this and laugh together.  Even if your child is older start right now.  I'm sure you'll still get a lot of good material to make you laugh and smile.

Raising the Strong Willed Child and Managing to Keep Your Sanity

I'm still working on keeping the sane part of my blog post here.  Let me say I love my daughter.  I can't imagine my life without her.  Though there are times I wish I had a vacation from her.  Most recently I have been feeling this way.

I always said I was so blessed that we missed the terrible twos.  I had always heard that the age of 2 was so hard and that kids were so bad at this age.  Parents were tearing out their hair when their children turned 2.  She would say the occasional "no" but otherwise was a fairly good child.

All of a sudden she has hit four and all this has changed.  I hear phrases like, "No!" and "I don't want to."  Not in a normal speaking voice either.  I hear this at the top of her lungs.  The most challenging thing we are dealing with right now is expressing anger.  She gets angry or frustrated with me because I have told her that she can't have something she wants or she can't do something she wants and she lashes out.  She will come up to me and hit me.  This is not good.

I am not one that doesn't believe in spankings.  I do believe this.  The punishment has to fit the crime and spanking is a last resort for something really serious.  Also spanking should always be on the butt, never anywhere else.  Think of me what you want but this is what I believe in.  I was spanked as a child and I can count the number on my fingers it is that low.  I was not spanked for everything.  I was spanked when I ran across the street without my mother telling me it was alright to cross and almost got hit by a car.  I'm sorry but I think that was justified.  

Now back to my point here.  Usually what I do with my child is take stuff away.  This seems to work pretty well. It gets the point across.  Also I don't think I can spank a child when disciplining them for hitting me.  It just teaches them that hitting is alright.  At this moment she hasn't been listening so she doesn't get to watch her educational shows on t.v. until Friday.  If she keeps being bad she won't get to camp out on Friday.  (Camping out is sleeping in the living room instead of in her bedroom.)  I will keep taking things away until she learns.

I don't think that this is going to solve my whole problem.  This is what we're trying.  First we are rewarding good behavior.  She's good she gets something special.  That way she's being encouraged to behave the correct way.  Also I read in an article that strong-willed children want to be independent and do things on their own.  So I let her help me with the cooking by pouring things in.  I let her help me with the dishwasher.  I am going to start to give her more tasks.  Something small but something she can be in charge of.

So far it seems to be working and I am wanting less and less to go outside and do a primal scream.  Will these things work for everyone.  I don't know.  You have to figure out what works for your child and for you.

The Humor of It All

I'm reading different things on the Internet and come across this short piece called Michele Barbera is (Accidentally) Pregnant.  So this has caught my attention and I click on the video.  This comedian starts off saying that she's pregnant but it was an accident.  This makes me giggle a little.  She then explains she got drunk and wandered into an IVF clinic.  I giggle some more.  She says that there were all these waivers and the subcutaneous shots then the expense of it all.  It ends there.  It's really short.

I realize that some might be offended by her joke.  IVF is supposed to be something serious.  It's a procedure that many women go through that are unable to have a child.  Sometimes it's even heart breaking.  I agree IVF is all that.  It is is also very stressful.  The whole thing is a wild roller coaster ride.  I know I went through it three times.  The thing that got me through it all was the humor my husband I had during it all.

It was my second procedure and the doctor was running late so I was stressing a bit.  The reason I was stressing was when they put the embryos back into you, you must have a full bladder.  Here I was drinking my water like a good girl and holding it in.  When the nurse came in to say that the doctor was running a little late due to a traffic accident, she told me if I had to I could go in the bathroom and let a little urine out.  I am wondering who could do this.  I knew if I was going to the bathroom my whole bladder was emptying out.  There was not going to be any stopping it after a little came out.

So the doctor gets there and my husband is told the put on a hospital gown and such so he could go in with me.  It was nice that he was going to be allowed in for the conception of our child. My  husband puts on all the stuff, even the paper booties on  his shoes then looks at me and says, "Does this outfit make me look fat?"  I started laughing then I started cursing telling him that was not right.  I was going to pee on the bed if he didn't stop.  You know what that little bit of laughter made me relax and the procedure went smoothly.  When I finally was allowed to get up, I was never so happy in all my life to see a bathroom.

The next bit of humor came when we decided we needed to name the embryos.  We weren't sure at this point how many had implanted.  It could have been as many as three or as little as none.  So I was talking about crazy celebrity baby names and told  hubby we needed to name the baby Peach Cobbler.  He nicked that name.  So when telling my co-worker about it the next day she suggested Bananas Foster.  We had to come up with two more names in case all three were in there.  So we had Bananas Foster, Cherries Jubilee and Orange Sherbert.  That procedure unfortunately didn't work so we had to try again.  This time hubby wanted Bear Claw but I said no to that.  So he suggested Apple Fritter.  We had Apple Fritter, Baked Alaska and for the life of me I can't remember the third name.  After that procedure didn't work, we waited on naming the embryo.  After we found out there was only one, I came up with the name Lemon Merringue.  I chose this because this was my Grandmother's favorite dessert.  All through my pregnancy my daughter was referred to as Little Lemon.

I remember having to give my best friend Lemon reports after each doctor visit.  This little tiny bit of humor kept us from coming apart.  I had two miscarriages and we were so worried.  The humor really helped.  So before you get all high and mighty about a little humor injected into a serious situation, think about that little bit of laughter might be helping someone out.

I am her Mom not her Grandma

I want to start off by saying something about myself.  I didn't plan on having my first child at age 40 almost 41.  What I mean by that is not oh look my husband and I were intimate, I got pregnant and we were both surprised.  We started trying to have a baby when I was 33 years old.  We had a house and settled in our careers.  It seemed like it was the right time.  Little did we know that God had other plans for us.  After a few years of trying and nothing happening we saw a specialist.  The bad news hit us like a ton of bricks.  My husband wasn't to blame and I wasn't to blame, we both had a problem.  We went from fertility drugs straight to Invitro Fertilization.  After paying as much as we would for a nice luxury car, we started on the procedures.  As I tell everyone, it took seven years, three procedures and two miscarriages for us to get our little Froggie.

Pregnancy isn't easy for an older Mom.  We worried about complications and Down's Syndrome.  As a side note here, I skipped the amniocentesis since there was a risk of miscarriage and I wasn't going to take that chance.  Also what was I going to do if the baby did have a genetic defect.  I was still going to love that child with all my heart and just worry for the rest my pregnancy.  Since I was over 35, I was considered high risk.  I had to see a Maternal Fetal specialist.  I will say the good thing about that was we had lots of ultrasounds.  It was good to be reassured of some things.

The pregnancy went well despite the fact I came down with Gestational Diabetes.  I was good and kept in check with diet and exercise.  In the beginning of 2010, we had a rather large but healthy baby girl.  My husband and I were thrilled.  Our family was so happy for us.  I was loving being a new Mom.

Not everything was coming up roses.  Due to my fertility issues, my breast milk never came in.  I was depressed that I was unable to breast feed.  However, I learned there are definite advantages to formula feeding.  Science has come a long way and the formula is much better than it used to be.  I believe breast milk is best but I also don't believe anyone should be condemned for going with a bottle.

There are times I feel my age when it comes to my daughter, such as, when I read on Facebook about a person I went to high school is celebrating  as his/her son/daughter graduates high school.  I start to realize just how old I will be when Froggie walks across that stage to receive her diploma.  I feel old when I realize that Froggie is closer in age to her second cousins then her first.  Though nothing made me feel as old as I did when I went to Walmart when she was around two month old.

I'm standing in line and there is a cashier who looks barely 18.  She might not have been 18 yet.  I don't know because I didn't ask and I don't want to assume she was younger.  Anyway, she remarks how cute my little one is and I'm beaming as I say thank you to her.  Mom's often do this sort of thing.  The good feeling was short lived when the cashier asked me, "How old is your Grandbaby?"  I could have corrected her here but she would have felt very embarrassed so I chose not to.  I just politely said Froggie's age.  I couldn't stop thinking the rest of the day, "Do I really look that old?"

I don't know if I do or not.  All I do know is that I love my daughter and as I told her this morning, I love her even when she gets me upset.  I wouldn't change a thing.  So here I am writing a blog that will hopefully help other older Moms be able to relate to someone.  This is a blog for the over 40 new first time Moms and the Moms that thought they were through only to find out they were pregnant again.  It's also for those out there that love and support them.

I'll share my experiences and try to give some advice.  Hopefully someone out there reading this will feel a little less like, "I am the only one."